I'm Just Different

The changes taking place in my life lately are endless. I can't describe in one word how I truly feel about things at this very moment. I have mixed feelings about different things. I'm just different now. I think Robs was right to say that I know better this time around. I can't even say that my life has changed 180 degrees. It must have been turned 360 degrees! I was turned inside out. I'm no longer the same person I was six months ago.

I feel myself changing (or I should say morphing!) every single day. My priorities have changed. I look at life differently and my definition of happiness is no longer the same. It became simpler. My dreams are different as well. What I initially thought I wanted didn't turn out what I wanted after all. I no longer chase for dreams that are not mine. Whatever I hold dear in my mind and heart is mine and mine alone. My name is written all over it. I used to pursue dreams of other people for me but not anymore. I grew tired of constantly proving who I can't be. Well I can be what people want me to be but I'd rather not. It's a total waste of my time.

My need to be still and quiet lately is very evident. I always need a moment to be alone whether to think, read or just be still. It's funny how other people see my life as very blessed while I sulk in the realms of my mind thinking I don't want certain things in my life. I guess that's just the way it is. I feel my indifference to some things in my life right now. I feel uncomfortable about it to be honest. Maybe because I'm not used to myself reacting to things this way. I pamper myself a lot and spend a lot of time building my own dreams. I have a lot of ME time nowadays. I'm embracing this thought that I can run my life the way I want to and I always have a choice.

It'll take awhile to settle into this new character. I know I will. I'm glad I no longer allow myself to take the back seat.