Crossroads Blues

My road has once again forked, branched (or however you call it). What was once a single path turned out to have side streets. The events during the past weeks have been a whirlwind of sorts. Where a story ends, another begins. From one drama to the next, my life echoes the need to live my life the way I want it to be.

Somehow, I remind myself that I do have a choice whatever circumstances I am in. No matter how I've struggled to compartmentalize my life, it does find itself connected. After all, I am the same person who goes to work and shows up at home.

I am once again at the crossroads of my life. It's never easy and I strongly want to choose the easier path and the one with lesser responsibilities. I am just grateful that I can spend the next few days in peace as I go for some R & R. Thank goodness! I badly need a break from the monotony of my banking career (if it is even considered a career for crying out loud!).

For now, I'll let my mind drift to more pleasant thoughts. The thought of doing nothing and getting a much needed shuteye.

Settled But Not Quite

I recently moved out of my spacious office with a view to a decent work station that I jokingly call tenement. Separated by partitions, I just need to poke my head up and I can wave hello to my new neighbors a.k.a. co-workers. Last Friday afternoon was spent packing and arranging my files to my new home. It's a decent cube with enough space for my huge purse and what nots.

I think I have settled myself pretty well but not quite. More than the change in coordinates, it is really the change in responsibilities that make me feel unsettled. I don't look like it but I do. If only you could hear my daily prayer. It begins with a prayer for strength and ends with thanksgiving for making it through the day.

Well going back to my tenement living, my former colleagues would probably be surprised at how minimalist I could be. I myself am pleased at how I could let go and live with the bare necessities. Sans the candles, floral arrangement, paintings and brick-a-brack, I can make do of what I have though I think I can never win in Amazing Race or Survivor. That's just way too far my league of simplicity. I refuse!

I guess I should be happy with my progress. I have learned to simplify my life and slowly go with the flow.

Right by the Window

I enjoy the Makati skyline right at my office. I'm one of the fortunate ones who enjoy the poolside view of the Mandarin Hotel and the towering buildings at The Fort. The morning sun beams through my window while I hear the beeps of the traffic along Makati Avenue every day.

It's past 6 in the evening and I have called it a day. Today turned out well. I've been lacking sleep the past days and yet, I feel just as calm. Work is good - challenging. There might be major work changes in the coming days but nevertheless, I have somehow come to terms with what is to come.

I decided to put my thoughts down today just so you know I'm still alive and well. So much has happened in the past months but I am happy. Despite the adjustments and the struggles , I am happy where I am. Just happy.

My Valentine Week

It was nothing romantic. There was no smell of fresh flowers in my room. Nobody sent me one anyway (I think I sound bitter with this line). It was a whirlwind of events that led to a tantrum on Valentine's Eve. I think it was the lack of sleep. I can't even find a single word that would describe the past week. Detailing the events may help everyone understand how exactly my week was.

My family has started supplying cookie lollipops at a local candy store chain. The orders went well and it's being sold in high end stores in Rustans and The Fort. Yipee for this development! It was on a Wednesday that our products have entered the mainstream market. Yipee again!

The Valentine orders started to pour in as early as last weekend. It was hectic at home with all the baking and decorating. It was not a logistical nightmare until Friday the 13th. All the orders made it on time and the clients were happy. We received so many encouraging Thank Yous and messages of appreciation. This calls for another Yipee!

Valentine's Eve got me sooooooo uptight with non stop meetings and coordination concerns from home. Aaaaaaaaaa! I was throwing a fit on my way home. That moment was the culmination of my realization that I am back with my Supergirl / Wonderwoman / Batgirl cape. I've long kept that cape in my closet swearing never to wear them again but circumstances found its way to me (again!). I'm once again a superhero, juggler, high wire balancing act performer and I don't know what else. I'm back pulling things together. I'm letting this thought sit with me till I figure this out - why me and what the lesson for me is.

Today's Sunday and I'm taking this moment to think things through. I'm happy still. My mind is just filled with thoughts of the many things to do. Work is another story. I'm getting busier and busier at work and just like the cape, my fangs are back as well. I've vowed never to roar and pounce on anyone but someone is just triggering those tendencies. Needless to say, I'll be pouncing on her again tomorrow (I don't even know if this is a happy thought.)

Thank goodness for Becky's Kitchen Swiss Chocolate Cake. I found them on my way home last Friday. In the midst of whining, ranting and close to breaking down in tears, I knew what I needed to calm me down ... my favorite cake does it. Yipee!

Yahoo!

A massage before I call it a day. It's a weekly habit I can't seem to break. Just before I sat in front of the computer to blog about the past week's events, I had my therapist come see me on the 2nd consecutive night. I feel so sore and I must have worked myself out from the countless things I've been attending to.

For one, my biggest Yahoo the past week was being able to work out several deals for our family business. We've prayed hard as a family to be given an opportunity to enter the mainstream market and the past weeks have shown us the door.

This is what inspires me every single day. Just looking forward to what the new day would bring. I await the surprises that God has planned for me. I think I have found myself and my place under the sun.

Whirlwind of Events

You can tell by the number of my blogs I have posted in the past month that I'm pre-occupied. From the last time I posted an entry, so many things have happened. All of them good - positive stress, closure, opportunities and coming to my own person.

The first few weeks of January was stressful as I had to prepare for the Division's Business Planning. My presentation was well received (I'd like to think) albeit there were some areas for revision. I've been uptight for a couple weeks until I've learned to live with it. There's so much to be done but I guess the list of things to do will be endless.

Closure. Where does this fit in all of these? I've always prayed for the grace to forgive the people who have hurt me and the past month gave me that window of opportunity to forgive. To be able to sit on the same table with this person over lunch was one BIG step towards letting go of the past. Things do fall in place ... in time.

And the opportunity? What was it all about? My prayers have been less and less but with a conscious awareness of my spiritual connection. I'm awed with how circumstances have unfolded to pave the way for the granting of my family's wishes. I must have done something right to deserve all these blessings. I'm a few steps away from that BIG break I've been praying for. Thank you! Ultimately, I return all these to Him. O:-)

My Valentine

We're just 4 days past January and my mind is preoccupied thinking of what to do on Valentine's. Again, it's not about me but it's all about the cookies and pastries my family will be selling. Everyone knows how a big thing it is here. There are concerts left and right. Prices of flowers shoot up a few days before the 14th and people are "in love" on this day. I'm hearing "ooohs" and "aaahs" when someone at the office mysteriously receives a bouquet of flowers. Well not me. (Do I sound like I'm complaining?)

I'll be busy in the coming weeks preparing for new concepts in the baking room. As always, I look forward doing creative work. It does make me uptight thinking about the whole thing. On second thoughts, I shouldn't be at all.

Daily Devotional

My prayer time hasn't been that frequent. No excuses. I haven't been to Mass either and for that, I offer no excuses still. However today, I found myself reading the daily devotional that Delwyn, my high school friend, gifted me with. Though it's the 3rd day of January and I know I should have started reading it on the 1st, I read each story I have missed to read the past few days.

Our common idea of what a prayer is when we make the sign of the cross and talk with God. As I've learned the past months, prayer can be said in several ways and reading devotionals is one. God can be experienced in so many ways and not simply when we stop and pray the rosary. My experience of God lately is not the festive, singing and clapping way of rejoicing His presence. It is a quiet way of celebrating and knowing that He is with me.

Eureka!

I thought of trying the recipes I learned from Chef Dennis Hipolito's class. I couldn't get my mind off the Moist Banana Chocolate Chip Loaf and the Bailey's Irish Cream Cupcakes. My morning was spent sifting flour and preparing the other ingredients we needed for the baking experiment that afternoon. My good friend Winnie came over to join in the session with Ma and Orie.

We spent a couple of hours baking both recipes and I was salivating from the smell of freshly baked pastries. Yummy! I see myself baking more as this is all part of product development. I'm satisfied with how the banana loaf turned out. I will be offering this soon in another way. Kaya abangan!

New Year Messages

My cellphone was busy receiving several new year greetings and I'd like to share the nice and touching ones I received.

Let's all stay young!
1. Throw out non essential numbers. This includes age and weight.
2. Keep learning.
3. Enjoy the simple things - good food and good sleep.
4. Laugh often, long and loud.
5. When tears come, endure, grieve and move on.
6. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is friends who are positive, pets, music, plants, whatever makes you happy.
7. Prioritize your health - physical, mental and emotional.
Happy new year!

2008 is nearing its end. It was a great year despite and inspite. We smile as we look back at happy moments, victories and success no matter how small. We relish life and all its struggles. Let's forget the unpleasant times and thank our Lord for giving us new mornings and better tomorrows. Have a prosperous new year.

We spend Jan. 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives not looking for flaws but for potential. Happy new year.

Happy new year!

As I Turn A Year Older

As I turn a year older, I'm thankful ...

... that I have found the Lord in my life.

... for my parents who stood by me through my joys and pains. They defended me when my life took a sudden turn.

... for friends who walked me through a new path when I didn't even know where it'd lead me to. Just the same, we kept each other company.

... for the opportunities that opened up in my life be it at work or in business.

... for new friends who share the same passion as I do.

... for my new found talents.

... for the wisdom that my experiences have taught me.

... for a new life that I have been gifted with.

Life is good. I love this life. No regrets whatsoever. Just living it forward and positively. Happy new year everyone!

New Year's Resolution Anyone?

We're a day away from 2009 and most people are thinking of what their new year's resolution will be. If I were to think of my personal resolutions, it is to ...

... find more time for prayer
... be less of a workhalic in our family business
... enjoy life more
... understand that there is a time for everything
... exercise and be healthier
... manage my finances better

I'll be going to class next year to learn more skills. I will most likely be taking basic photography, clay molding and basic culinary / pastry skills. These should keep me busy in the next 365 days. I'm very excited about my plans and no matter what they say about how the economy will be, I choose to look at the bright side. Life is what we make it!

The Works

At last, I got my much needed salon pampering. After many months of not being able to visit my neighborhood salon, I had my usual mani and pedi, foot spa and hair spa. I must have spent a good 2 hours with my leg stretched out while leafing through different magazines. My nails look daintier now with pink polish. My hair looks healthier as well. This is short of saying that I look more put together now. At least there was an effort to look my best.

Breaking the Monotony

I needed a change of scenery. I've been at home most of the time the past few days and I'm in dire need of retail therapy. With the whole family in tow, we headed to Robinson's Place for a so called break. While it can be relaxing at home, I think at this point it'll be "healthier" to feast my eyes on the latest fashion trends.

Obviously, I need some pampering. With no salon visit the past months and little attention to wardrobe and style, I felt the need to see something new in my closet. I want to see more color. Something queer. A fashion statement. It just had to be unique. After searching every boutique for that interesting piece, I didn't find it.

I'll try my luck in another mall. I'm certain that unique piece is out there just for me.

Lemon Torte

My cake decorating group came to the house. Tita Lou and Tita Karen had lunch at home. Ma prepared a really good Chinese meal that could pass as a lauriat. We updated each other and baked the whole afternoon. Tita Karen taught us how to make a lemon torte. It was easy to do and the recipe was easy to follow.

Basically, the torte was made of meringue and crush walnuts that were baked thinly. The torte was stacked and lemon fillings in between. The sweetness can be reduced but overall, it was good. I'm somehow more used to baking now. There's a lot more to learn. I'm taking it one torte at a time.

Martha's Birthday

Since my high school days, I'd usually be celebrating post-Christmas at Martha's home. Well, Martha was my classmate since nursery and the 26th happens to be her birthday. This year, I was invited to her home where her birthday will be celebrated with family and friends.

A buffet dinner was prepared at the garden. The breeze was chilly and the zen surroundings were calming. Seated by the veranda were Martha's uncles singing old songs (from the 60s?) as one of them strummed the guitar. I was glad to see familiar faces which brought back memories from years past.

Martha will leave tomorrow for London. I will miss her but I'm glad that we were able to spend time with each other. This is what girlfriends do, don't they?

A Christmas Prayer

A Christmas Prayer
by Robert Louis Stevenson

Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus, that we may share in the song of the angels, the gladness of the shepherds, and worship of the wise men.

Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world.

Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting.

Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.

May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake.

Amen.

Christmas Mass

For several years now, it has been our family's tradition to hear Mass at Century Park Sheraton. Mass would usually start at 10 AM of December 24. Today was no different. With sleepy heads, we headed to Sheraton.

On the way to Mass, I remembered the painting shown by Fr. Jojo, Retreat Master of my recent Advent Recollection, showing a town filled with people clad in coats and walking on the snow filled streets. What I didn't know was that, on one of the horses was a couple carrying a baby. As it turns out, it was Jesus, Mary and the baby Jesus. It gives me goosebumps whenever I remember the painting. So powerful was the message of how Jesus quietly came into this world and how He made such a huge impact on mankind.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Never Too Late

Pa drove me to work today and it was a quiet ride to Makati. That’s how Pa and I are. Not much chitchat but always there for each other. I brought with me several bags of pastries and decorated cookies for everyone at work. I figured that most people will be on leave by tomorrow and today was a good time for gift giving. I usually give my gifts earlier but with my busy schedule, I just couldn’t get to do it ahead of time.

When I got to the office, I labeled my gift tags and prepared for my team meeting. I finished my rounds past 4 PM and by this time, I was woozy and feeling dehydrated with my stomach flu still acting up every now and then.

Despite the craziness of the season, it remains to be my favorite time of the year.

Getting High with High School Friends

I have never slept for seventeen hours in my whole life! I woke up at 10 AM today but I was in bed at 5 PM yesterday. That was how badly my body needed rest and sleep. No dinner, no breakfast, just sleep. I wasn’t feeling as woozy when I woke up. The chills seemed to have gone away but this time, I had to deal with stomach flu. Sigh.

Somehow, I regained my strength the latter half of the day. I decided to attend the dinner reunion with my high school friends at Spiral. Another holiday buffet and another probable cause of stomach flu. I didn’t try all the food stations and I only ate what seemed to be appealing. Nothing special. Just a smorgasbord of cuisines.

We were around fifteen people seated at a long table and it is usually at this time of the year that we have dinner and catch up on each other’s lives. Some just got married. Some have long been married. Some want to get married. Some have kids. Some act like kids and yet, we all remain the same - classmates from way back meeting up every year to greet each other Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!